WTF?!

I kinda fall in love all the time. More like crush all the time. I also get my heart broken all the time. More like, not so much. In truth, I've only fallen in love once and gotten my heart broken once. This heartbreak happened almost two years ago, so imagine my puzzlement when I dreamt about my former love the other night. I forgot the dream as soon as I woke up. It's my experience that dreams often vaporize the minute conscientiousness seeps in, but leave a residue of emotion. In this case, I woke up sad. Why did I wake up sad? This question has bothered me for the past couple of days. So I googled my former love and found a website that she writes for. After reading several entries and deciding that she never really cared for me... What!? She broke my heart, I'm allowed to wallow in misery in all things concerning her. Anyhoo, after reading several entries I remembered why I loved her in the first place. She was ridiculously smart, which is a big requirement. She was curious about the world. She appreciated humor. She was challenging, not only emotionally, but she challenged the way I viewed the world. She was thought provoking.

I don't really wallow in misery when I think about it, which thankfully, these days isn't often. I'd successfully moved on, or so I thought until my dream. After googling her I discovered that she's back in the states, she'd left for over a year to pursue her master's in the UK. I've also discovered, thanks to her candidness via some blogging, that she too has moved on. Albeit, she's actually been dating people.

I'd been a little down in recent months, not having met someone for long enough to have an actual relationship with. But after this dream, I've decided that that's okay. My life is filled with a good, yet stressful job. Good friends and plenty of activity. I'm finally in a place to support myself independently, which is hard as an artist. I'm still happily pursuing my life's passions and Reese loves me no matter what. In truth, I don't know how I'd date anyone right now. I literally don't have the time and the thought of needing to be there for someone else right now is exhausting. It's hard enough to be there for Reese.

So I still haven't figured out why I'd suddenly dream or even think of this person. Maybe her ghost can finally rest in peace? I hope so. I suppose it was a good thing, having that relationship in my life. I don't think you can call yourself a human being without heartbreak. I don't think I could call myself a writer without having loved and lost. I'm working on a new script, perhaps this is the universe telling me to get back to the task at hand. I'm prone to fits of writing when my heart feels like it will implode. By George! That just might be it. Thanks for this talk. I think we've learned something, now go forth and prosper.