Ill Advised Emails to Girls, Which Were Therefore Never Sent

As a writer, I'm most comfortable expressing myself in, well, writing. So I send emails. But emails can be tricky, because if the person doesn't know you well then they won't be able to read the intonation and meaning between your lines. The message is lost in binary code. Subtly and/or a nuanced smart-ass joke can be severely misunderstood, at least in my experiences. However, knowing this and knowing there are websites out there who's very popularity is as a result to ridicule "crazy emails", I still rely heavily on email.

I've had many a pseudo relationship/friendship with girls I've been attracted to mostly exist in email. This has prompted my closest friends to insist I take my crushes into the real world and out of email. Admittedly, I bristle at this suggestion because as a writer I'm pretty damn good, but in person when I'm attracted to a girl I tend to be spaztastic. Although, these same close friends often are given the chance to read my emails, which they thoroughly enjoy, but always follow up with, "Jessi, you're great. You're a great writer, but this girl doesn't know you. She's not going to get your email. She's not going to get that you're trying to be funny and charming." Sigh...

This same advice was recently given in response to my latest attraction just days ago, again by a close friend who often encourages me to move email relationships into the "real world." And by relationship, I mean want of connection, not an actual dating situation. However, I do want to date this person.

In the past I've also misread, scratch that, in the past I've had no friggin clue what was going on. I'm inept when it comes to dating. I don't play games, I don't understand games, I'm ridiculously honest, I can't read signals, this on top of my general weirdness has gotten me a whole lot of single-ness. So, in my current attraction I've wanted to send the following two emails. But because I don't know what's going on, I don't want to make undo assumptions about this person and I don't want to freak her out with either email intended to explain and not confuse, I have decided to not send them. Rather post them here, for my few friends who read my blog. Hopefully, y'all will enjoy a laugh or two, whilst I get to, at least, stay within my comfort zone.

Email One - I want to ask if you've been busy, because your last few correspondences have been truncated? But it would be weird to ask that, given you said you were busy. I do so enjoy our correspondence. I find you insightful, smart and funny. I don't know what your sudden reticence is about. I hope I didn't somehow offend you. I want to ask, are you scaling back because you're not interested in me? I want to ask, are you scaling back because you don't think I'm interested in you? Because this is my life, I'm going to assume you're scaling back because you're not interested in me.

Email Two - Okay, I really hope not to freak you out or offend or whatever, but I've been wondering about something. When you emailed earlier this week and said "We can be friends or whatever you like." what did you mean? I mean, I consider you to be fairly smart and smart doesn't strike me as cavalier about what you'd choose to write. Oh gosh, I think this is where I can get in trouble with email, cause my intent isn't being read in the way I want it to be.

I like you too...