Lessons from an Iowan Upbringing

I was reading the New York Times, as is my habit everyday, avoiding the House spec script I'm supposed to be working on. In fact, I'm procrastinating right now by writing a blog entry. But my brain needs a brain break. Or maybe a better statement, a brain jump start. 

One of the articles was about the same-sex marriage ruling in Iowa. There are lot of those these days. For the five of you who live under a rock, but have internet access go here to find out what I'm talking about. There was another article about living with less during the recession. However, I thought the title of that series was more applicable to the struggle the gay community has fought for equal rights, for the right to get married. Because gay people literally banned from getting married is "Living with less". 

Let me backtrack a little, but first let me say, this may be my most personal blog. I generally tend to leave most of my personal life out of here, but this is an important issue.

I'm from Iowa and I'm gay. I love where I come from. I'm from a small town in central Iowa called Indianola. I grew up in the middle of farmland and forests.  It was a 10 minute drive into town from my house, because we lived in the "country". That's what any kid growing up outside of town said, "I live out in the country." My parents are from an even smaller town in Iowa called Allerton, which doesn't have a street light, at least last time I was there. And believe it or not their parents, my grandparents, are from a smaller town. A town so small if you blink while you drive through you'd miss it, as my mother would say. 

A few weeks ago I watched as my home state's supreme court lifted a ban on gay marriage, while my adopted state of California voted to eliminate gay marriage back in November. I had no idea this issue was even in the courts, so to say my heart leapt when my friend sent me a news article explaining the groundbreaking unanimous decision is an understatement. Much to the country's surprise Iowa has lead the charge in many civil rights issues over its history. Iowa abolished slavery 26 years before the Emancipation Proclamation, Iowa desegregated schools nearly a century before it was law and Iowa was the first state to allow women to practice law. 

The rest of the country, save for the states immediately surrounding Iowa, believe Iowa to be a backwards hillbilly conservative farm state. While living in Los Angeles, California for the past 4 1/2 years answering the question of "Where are you from?" has gotten me my far share of weird looks and initial judgments. However, I've always been proud of where I come from, because despite the seemingly small town mindset my parents and even my grandparents were born to rightfully possess you wouldn't be able to find bigger supporters of my discovery that I am gay. My 82-year-old grandmother, who's no longer with us God bless her, once said to me when I asked how she could be so cool about my being gay, "What am I gonna do? Not love you? That's just stupid. As long as you're happy and as long as you find love who am I to judge." This is also generally the attitude I've found from anyone I've come out to from home, even my Republican Conservative Christian best friend of 20 years. 

Iowans may be socially conservative, maybe even a little myopic in their world views, but they are unfailingly good people. In job interviews I've had more than one response to my home state referencing the "Iowa work ethic". Honestly, I didn't know such a thing existed until I moved out of state and joined the workforce and witnessed what most would call a good job versus what I'd call a good job. 

An example of innate Iowan goodness... I attended the University of Iowa in Iowa City. There I met a dear friend who was from all over, but just prior to moving to Iowa had attended UCLA. She came to Iowa to get her MFA in Dramatic Arts. She drove across country with a boyfriend arriving the week of orientation, which she found to be an unexpectedly busy time in Iowa City. Every hotel room in the city was booked, she knew, cause she drove to each one. At one of her final stops, a Ramada Inn, a Iowa mother overheard her story at the front desk. The mother rushed to find her husband to see if it would be okay to share their room with the young couple. But before she could return to the front desk my friend and her boyfriend had left to continue their search. So this mother did the only thing she could think of - try to find them. The Iowans drove to 5 motels before they discovered my friend at the Super 8. They offered my friend their room, which they were vacating the next day anyway to return to their small town. My friend could not believe these strangers would track them down and offer them lodging. When she told me the story I responded with characteristic Iowan innocence. "Was it my mom?," I sort of joked. Her story didn't seem out of the ordinary to me. After all, I'd witnessed all the adults in my family, as well as, friends and neighbors growing up going above and beyond for strangers and people they knew. My friend had found a cancellation and didn't need to take them up on their offer. She also realized Iowa was not the scary conservative place she'd imagined, rather what she found was kindness and generosity. A place where neighbors perform random acts of kindness without thought of receiving anything in return.

You can't talk about gay marriage and Iowa and not bring up religion. Many people in Los Angeles are generally surprised to learn that I consider myself a person of faith, a Christian. I suppose it's because I'm also gay, liberal and work in the entertainment industry. But I was raised in the church. For years my mom took my siblings and me to church on Sunday. And to Awanas(Bible study) every Wednesday. I studied Bible verses for as along as I can remember, some of which, I still know by heart. My religion and a sense of faith are things I value from my Iowan upbringing. I think many people who oppose gay marriage or even homosexuality on the grounds of religion do so because the Bible calls it a sin, yet willingly overlook the thousands of other "sins" it outlines. Other sins include: working on the Sabbath, do not plant your fields with two kinds of seeds, do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material, touching a woman during her time of the month will be unclean, a man must wear a beard and grow his hair to a certain length and on and on. These are all in Leviticus, along with the most quoted "Thou shalt not lie with another man, as thou lies with a woman", depending on your version of the Bible. My aforementioned best friend when I mention all these other rules/sins says that I have to remember when the Bible was written and times have changed, so some of these aren't applicable. This is precisely my argument for the supposed sin of homosexuality. Times have changed. To quote Andrew Sullivan, "Faith begins with the assumption that the human soul is fallible... The bible is a moral fable, as well as, history and one should try to live its truths in the light of contemporary knowledge, history, science and insight. There is a faith that draws important distinctions between core beliefs and less vital ones - that picks and chooses between doctrines under the guidance of individual conscience." 

That picks and chooses between CORE BELIEFS and less vital ones. I believe thou shall not kill, thou shall not commit adulatory, lie or steal, I believe you should honor your parents, forgive trespasses, love your neighbor and your enemy, protect the downtrodden, but I do not believe prejudice against gay people for any reason is what God intends, especially in his name. What would Jesus do?

When I read the Bible I find versus like this:

"Do not judge, or you to will be judged. For in the same way you judge others you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." - Matthew chapter 7

"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their father's treated the prophets." - Luke 6:20

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - Corinthians 13:4 

"Let us love one another, for love comes from God. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God in him. There is no fear in love. Whoever loves God must also love his brother." John chapter 4

I think it's important to remember that the Bible is full of stories of men and women who admit their humanity and therefore their fallibility and that all men are created equal under God. Only God is infallible, but as a Christian I can only strive to live in the light of truth. Based on all of Jesus's teachings I would think we'd be at a place where we could move beyond a so-called sin that has no place in modern society and seek compassion, understanding, tolerance and generosity of spirit and that kindness is the only thing that matters, no matter what. Instead of hate, judgment and derision for what is simply being honest with myself and the rest of the world about who I am. Gay marriage is a basic civil liberty. It's equality under the law for all people. Malcolm X was speaking about his own civil liberties struggle, but his words are still relevant in the struggle for gay marriage, "We are not fighting for integration, nor are we fighting for separation. We are fighting for recognition as human beings." My lessons in humanity came from growing up in small town Iowa. It's because of these lessons that I'm not surprised Iowa has become the third state to legalize gay marriage and why I'm proud to tell people I'm an Iowan. 

Iowa 

Happy Earth Day!

Overall being green has saved me a lot of money. There are some aspects, which can be expensive, at least at first. Like my initial investment in curtains so I don't have to run my a/c as much, therefore saving me in my electric bill. And one of these days I'm going to invest in an apartment compost. The initial investment will be $300 for the compost. You need more than just a bucket and a lid in an apartment. Without an insulated compost bin in an apartment you need to worry about bugs and rodents. And who wants that in your apartment.

Green things I do:

Recycle - This doesn't save me money, so much as makes me feel better about myself. There is so much trash produced everyday by Los Angeles residents it averages out to 5 lbs per person. By recycling as much as possible I only need to take the trash out every 2-3 weeks. That may be more infrequent when I get my compost.

Reuse - I love salsa! Over the course of the last year I'd buy large containers of salsa from Smart & Final. I have reused each container for my flour, sugar and any other storage I can think of. This saves me money, cause I have matching containers without having to buy them. Sure it says Mild Salsa on the front, but at least it matches. 

Ride my bike - If it's within 4-5 miles and I'm not carrying anything big or heavy then I'm committed to riding my bike. This has cut my car usage down to about twice a week. I save gas money(I fill up about every two weeks), my car insurance company gave me a $76 discount and living in LA I'm saving a bundle on parking fees.

Green clean - As an obsessively clean person being more green as I cleaned was tough to come to, I admit. In college I'd gotten a lot of wash clothes. It's complicated. Anyway, I don't really use the wash clothes anymore, at least when I shower. So I started using them as surface cleaners instead of paper towels. Paper towels are kinda pricey, but now I don't need them. And I simply rewash the wash clothes. Additionally, using cloth towels to dry your hands after washings also saves on the paper towels. And you can get cloth towels from the dollar store. 

Reusable grocery bags - The initial investment is nominal. And these days many companies are giving them as gift bags. I've got about 8 reusable grocery bags that I've gotten as gift bags. It's estimated Americans use 300 billion plastic bags a year. Plastic bags are the largest pollutant in landfills and our oceans. 

Buy locally - This is not only cheap, but A LOT healthier. I realize living in LA access to farmer's markets is easier. I often shop at the Hollywood Farmer's Market, which is every Sunday on Ivar between Sunset and Hollywood. The produce is often cheaper than I can find in the grocery store. It's also organic, no pesticides. Also, fruits and veggies! Much better for the waist line than McDonalds. And by buying locally you're supporting local farmers. If you don't live in LA and farmer's markets are a bit more seasonal, some local grocery stores buy their produce and meat from local farmers throughout the year. Check with your local grocery store and support them if they do. 

Thrift stores - I find brand name jeans and t-shirts for fractions of the original cost. And since I live in t-shirts and jeans, saving money on them is a no brainer. Also, that pair of jeans or that t-shirt is going to get a second life. Actually, buying used CD's, DVD's and books is a great money saver. Amazon.com often has used books and CD's for pennies on the dollar. 

Stop with the bottled water - I got a reusable water bottle and refill it with my water filter. Don't be fooled by bottled water being healthier. The EPA has stricter guidelines on tap water than the FDA on bottled water. AND about 30% of all bottled water comes from the tap anyway, but plastic water bottles produce 1.5 million tons of plastic waste every year. Tap water is free, bottled water is not.

Pay bills online - And stop your paper bills. Reduce the clutter in your house. Save on stamps, which seem to go up in price every other month. Some companies even offer discounts if you pay your bill online. It's faster and easier and secure. I found this nifty chart online.

I'm not saying you should do everything I do, but even doing a few of these things will not only help the planet, but your wallet. Visit Oprah.com and look for green coupons. Go forth and prosper! For more tips and information visit greenlagirl.com or here. And for cool green products check out Priscilla Woolworth. 

Here's where being green can be, at times, expensive. My new apartment, which was meant to save me money in rent, turns out to be a friggin tin shed. In other words, it is hella hot in here. The heat is coming thru the two large 8 ft. wide x 3 ft. tall windows. One in the bedroom, one in the living room. I tried being in here without running the a/c, but Reese and I lost about 10 lbs. in one day. It's been so hot in here Reese has been sitting in front of the a/c. I've never seen her sit in front of cool air. Hot air, yes. 

I don't want to run the a/c, because I'm trying to keep my electric bill down. Also, energy use isn't exactly great for the environment. I emailed a fellow blogger/internet friend who writes about green things, greenlagirl. She gave me several suggestions. One, I'd already been considering. Curtains. I stopped at Target to price them out and it looks like I'll be spending about $80 on rods and curtains for both windows. So in an effort to not use my a/c as much I'm gonna have to drop $80 first. Sigh.

Some interesting things...

One of my besties, Vienna Teng, has a new album out called Inland Territory. This album was recently featured on NPR's All Songs Considered. Check it out here. Check out my favorite song off the new album here.

Gay Marriage - the good, the bad and the ugly. Although, can we really blame Miss California for being dumber than a box of thumb tacks?

Somali Pirates

Death and Taxes

I seriously effed up my taxes for previous years. Not seriously, but enough where I needed some advice. Then a friend suggested I speak with an accountant, so I contacted H & R Block. I was connected to a wonderful woman who's helped me out the quagmire I'd done to myself. I claim blissful ignorance in every tax year. 

My accountant and I actually just met a couple weeks ago, after emailing back and forth since September. We agreed to meet to discuss my 2006 return and amend it. Her office is located in the Wilshire district of Los Angeles. I've dedicated myself to using my bike as much as possible. Believe me there are days I'd love to just drive, so much easier and a lot less sweaty. But practice what you preach, right? Anyway, I had to take Highland Ave. down to Wilshire. I had not needed to take Highland before today. I'm mad at Highland. People drive way too fast. And there are no transitions between corners for easy sidewalk riding. There were some slight close calls. Er, Mom, don't read that last line. I was just kiddin. 

When I arrived safe and sound at my accountant's office and after 3 1/2 hours we managed to do an amendment for my 2006 tax year. God bless my accountant, she saved me thousands. I almost feel like I'm cheating, but she's above board. We still need to amend my 2007 return and file my 2008. I may have to make the harrowing, I mean, splendid ride again. Although, I should try to figure some side streets to take. You know, do some sightseeing. 

Yoga

Yoga, How I love thee. Let me count the ways...

I came to the yoga bandwagon late. Too hippie, too expensive, too easy. I'd done it a handful of times throughout my life, but had never found a class I enjoyed more than one time. 

But I'm a little bit older these days. Lil bit. I miss the days when at 16 you could get hurt in a game, but be ready and raring to go the very next day, as if nothing had happened. These days I get hurt in a soccer game and I'm feelin it for a week. But one of my friends started teaching yoga. I figured it was a good way to help counteract the rest of what I do during the week. 

So I went to my friend's yoga class. A relative newby, the class was still small in number. There was cool music and I'd stretched things I don't think I stretched my WHOLE life. Then an interesting thing happened Tuesday morning. I woke up and instead up limping around for the first 5 minutes, I could walk easier. 

I've been only doing it for a little over a month. I'm more flexible, even doing it once a week. I've found the flexibility has helped my recovery time after weekends of sports. It's also helped my athleticism. I can ask more of my body on the field, which is kinda cool. 

I'm on the bandwagon now, folks. And I'm trying to take as many as possible! If you'd like to join my class and you live in LA, look up Emily Burton (my yoga teacher/friend) on facebook.

I'm Back!

Dearest Reader,

I'm terribly sorry for my absence. I haven't been in the mood to blog. But twitter and demands from my one reader (god bless you!) I've decided to come out of retirement. So to speak. Perhaps a more accurate metaphor would be - I'm taking myself off the bench. 

Kath & Kim has gone the way of the dodo. So my days are spent unemployed, going to the gym, seeing friends, cleaning and keeping the midget happy. The midget being my beloved cat, Reese.

On the bright side, I'm in the best shape of my life! Three hours at the gym Tuesday thru Friday, yoga, soccer, softball, rock climbing and riding my bike all over LA has done wonders. Ironically, I often feel fatter, but keep losing weight. Shrug.

I just realized there's a lot to catch my reader up on. 

I gave up meat about a month ago. It actually wasn't difficult, cause I realized I didn't eat it often anyway. I'd been thinking about giving up meat for sometime. Meat packing plants treat their employees deplorably. Animals at factory farms aren't slaughtered humanely, usually whatever is cheapest. And factory farms are bad for the environment. They produce huge amounts of animal waste which can make it's way into local water supplies. Also, a recent UN report shows factory farms produce up to 50% of greenhouse gases, more than all the cars, SUVS, planes and ships in the world combined. Just some food for thought... So, yeah, gave up meat about a month ago. I'm not a full fledged vegetarian, cause I still eat seafood. At least, so far. And I'm definitely not vegan, cause I love love cheese and milk. Dairy cows are treated pretty well. There's so many regulations governing milk, the cows are treated like queens. As Ames would say, "If you're gonna be born a cow, you want to be a dairy cow." I do miss cheeseburgers and pepperoni, but I'm hoping that passes with time. I read a statistic that said the average vegetarian saves the lives of about 85 animals a year. That seems really inaccurate to me. When I ate meat I certainly didn't eat 85 cows worth in a single year. Is it just me or does that seem far fetched? I have to admit I'm kinda loving my soy protein shakes. And whatever excuse I can use to go to the Hollywood Farmer's Market. Love that place! Buy locally people! 

Being green is expensive. Has anyone else noticed this? Certainly, there are things that aren't expensive and actually save you money. For example, I changed out all my lightbulbs to the energy saving bulbs and my electric bill this month was $15. Woohoo! I recycle. Actually, I stole a blue recycling waste paper basket from an old job. What? It has the recycling symbol. Another money saver has been riding my bike as many places as possible. If it's within 4-5 miles of my apartment and I'm not carrying anything big or heavy I'll ride my cruiser. This has saved me in gas, car insurance and parking fees. But I really want a compost bin, but you need a special one for apartments. It's a pricey $300. When I'm a wealthy writer...

MUSIC! What would a blog by Jessi be without some music. SAVE THE DATE! April 29th at The Roxy in West Hollywood Vienna Teng debuts songs from her new album Inland Territory. I got a preview last fall and it's AMAZING! 

I listen to Tegan and Sara's The Con while doing cardio at the gym. So far it's the best album I've found that helps me keep a quick pace. Everyone must also check out City and Colour's album "Bring Me Your Love". One of my favorites from last year. 

I'm so gay! I recently realized. I'm uber environmental. I don't eat meat. I'm obsessed with my cat. I play lots of sports. Does it get any gayer? Actually, I'm a non-practicing gay. Don't care about dating these days. Don't worry, it's a good thing. I'd rather spend my time doing what makes me happy. No more wasted energy on girls who aren't interested. Course, all my friends are feeding me that line of "Now that you're not looking, it's gonna happen." Really? Really? I haven't "really" been looking for 29 years and still....nuthin. I'm just sayin. 

Thanks for checking back in. I'll keep 'em coming.